I'm not the person I want to be.
I want to be a beautiful human, someone whose presence means peace, warmth, and harmony.
Instead, I'm only harming those I'd never want to.
I'm hurting myself and those around me. Life circles up every time.
As soon as I start to get a better person, everything turns to its usual self.
I'm exhausted from all these changes.
I started to appreciate my changing nature and positive sides but I still cannot manage the negative ones.
I'm of no use.
Yet the only thing I wanted is to be of use, to be of help.
But I'm the one who needs help, the one who cannot do anything right.
Being understood without me needing to explain is what I'm longing for.
Every time I try to talk and explain why I am the way I am it only gets harder.
I'm different. I always tried to be normal but I usually failed to be so.
At the end of the day, I'm left there with thoughts and no answers.
I'm weak. I may not show it but I'm much weaker than I seem to be.
I thought that by making others happy I could get happier and maybe even stronger.
I may not be of use but I always thought that I could be a source of happiness..
I thought..
Who did I ever make happy?
Everything's breaking into pieces.
19/12/2019
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