A Source Of Happiness..

I'm not the person I want to be.

I want to be a beautiful human, someone whose presence means peace, warmth, and harmony.

Instead, I'm only harming those I'd never want to.

I'm hurting myself and those around me. Life circles up every time.

As soon as I start to get a better person, everything turns to its usual self.

I'm exhausted from all these changes.

I started to appreciate my changing nature and positive sides but I still cannot manage the negative ones.

I'm of no use.

Yet the only thing I wanted is to be of use, to be of help.

But I'm the one who needs help, the one who cannot do anything right.

Being understood without me needing to explain is what I'm longing for.

Every time I try to talk and explain why I am the way I am it only gets harder.

I'm different. I always tried to be normal but I usually failed to be so.

At the end of the day, I'm left there with thoughts and no answers.

I'm weak. I may not show it but I'm much weaker than I seem to be.

I thought that by making others happy I could get happier and maybe even stronger.

I may not be of use but I always thought that I could be a source of happiness..

I thought..

Who did I ever make happy?

Everything's breaking into pieces.

19/12/2019

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"The Truth Written Under The Unspoken Words"

/31.01.17/ "I don't know you and you don't know me. But I want to know you. Do you also want to know me? Me, not my characteristics or behavior. I'm asking you if you want to know my inner Me, my inner self, my thoughts and carings, my reasons for my feelings, and my feelings without any reasons. Do you want to know my inner self which cannot be influenced by external influences? You're the one I want to share everything with. I want to share everything precious in my life with you. I want to talk to you, to explain myself and also not explain myself. I want you to know everything about me without me needing to say a word. Will you one day just understand what's written in my eyes? Will you know the truth when I'll say that I never cared for you and never even thought of you? Will you see the truth which is written under the unspoken words? Will you see it as the only one who is able to see it?"

Distance

I have to be like the way I am towards you. I cannot laugh or smile at you. I cannot show my happiness to you. I am not allowed to do so. I am not allowed to make you feel like the reason for my happiness or my sadness. I cannot say anything to you. But you, you are already my whole life. I know, you are not here, you are not a part of anything in my life here. But you're the one my heart beats for and my mind keeps thinking of. Even when I don't want to. I h ave to be cold. I have to be a stranger to you. ...

To You

To someone who laughs at the same things as I do... To someone who is just like me yet who is much more different from me... To someone who is stronger than I am yet who needs my strength... To someone who has accomplished his spirit yet who needs me and only me to complete himself... To someone whose main trust is in Allah yet who trusts and loves me for Allah's sake... To someone who feels the same way as I do... To someone who loves the same way as I do... To you who feels exactly what I feel... May you take your time and come to me when the right time has come... I'll wait and welcome you as if we have never parted... I don't know you yet but I will in the future, so stay well...

Sara's Dreamworld

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