Sara's Dreamworld

/31.01.17/ "I don't know you and you don't know me.  But I want to know you.  Do you also want to know me?  Me, not my characteristics or behavior. I'm asking you if you want to know my inner Me,  my inner self, my thoughts and carings, my reasons for my feelings, and my feelings without any reasons.  Do you want to know my inner self which cannot be influenced by external influences?  You're the one I want to share everything with. I want to share everything precious in my life with you.  I want to talk to you, to explain myself and also not explain myself.  I want you to know everything about me without me needing to say a word.  Will you one day just understand what's written in my eyes?  Will you know the truth when I'll say that I never cared for you and never even thought of you?   Will you see the truth which is written under the unspoken words?  Will you see it as the only one who is able to see it?"

I have to be like the way I am towards you.  I cannot laugh or smile at you.  I cannot show my happiness to you.  I am not allowed to do so.  I am not allowed to make you feel like the reason for my happiness or my sadness.  I cannot say anything to you. But you, you are already my whole life.  I know, you are not here, you are not a part of anything in my life here.  But you're the one my heart beats for and my mind keeps thinking of.  Even when I don't want to.                               I h ave to be cold.                                                       I have to be a stranger to you.                                      But believe me,  you're there       in all of my prayers,  in all of my Duâs. You're there in every one of my tears.              But you're also the reason for me finding back to my Lord.  I know that you are a test for me, a test I have to solve right in this Dunya.  I don't have any other choice t