Sara's Dreamworld

I'm thankful. I'm thankful for being able to see beauty with my heart and not with my eyes. I've learned to listen to words and to feel them. Because if I didn't how could I recognize you, my friend? Though I didn't see you in real nor did I meet you anywhere. But I saw your heart and I met your soul a long long time ago I cannot even remember. But it doesn't matter for I could recognize you. We're connected somehow. I'm very sure of it. For if we wouldn't be connected somehow, how could I miss you, my friend? We bond ourselves through our hearts' words. I think of it as a blessing. Allah swt let us meet and let us learn the true meaning of being sisters in deen. He taught us to love without seeing the person we love. Like every mumin does while loving the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and Allah swt. You're a blessing cuz you're reminding me of my Lord. From now on I will call you my sister.  If

Yâ Rabbi, I'm scared. I'm scared of my own heart. I don't want to think about anyone. I just have found you. Again. But this time I won't let go of you. Don't let me go either. I just have freed my heart and opened the doors so that I could breathe again. Yâ Allâh, you're the only one whom my heart belongs to. You created me and the whole universum. All lives belong to you and so do each heart too. I know that you can lead each heart. Don't let bad thoughts find me. I don't want to get into depression because of some mortal feelings anymore. I know that this dunya is a test for us. I want to graduate with ease from it. I don't want my heart to cry anymore. I know that your mercy is the only thing I need. Yâ Allâh, protect my heart for i only trust the everlasting you whom my whole life belongs to. ~03.05.2017 I just found this old writing in my notes which i wanted to share.~

"Hey, how are you? Are you alright?" No, I'm not. Actually I'm miserable. I'm neither fine nor am i peaceful. İt's the first time for me to say that i'm not fine. It does not happen for the first time because I never felt sad and troubled before or something like that. It´s just that I'd never dare saying I'm not fine. Even when I really felt bad. I could not talk to anybody. Every time someone asked me how I am, I would say "Alhamdoulillah, I´m fine," with a bright smile on my face. I would smile even when I'm not feeling to do so. I would just smile, because I'm known for smiling and laughing all the time and not complaining about something. But today I don't feel like pretending to be good. I don't feel like lying to myself. I also want to show my sadness and cry. I often cried, it is not something i never did. But I don't want to cry behind walls and closen doors anymore. Something is burdening me and

There are dreamers and their dreams.  There are dreams which have the potential to become real and then there are some kind of dreams which are only meant to be a dream.  There are people who can turn their dreams into reality, people who only dream when they need to, and also control their dreams. People who do everything in steps, also dream.  Then there are those people who already live in their dream world. They don't tend to dream of something which has the possibility to become real; their reality is their dream world.  They cannot change it, or just don't want to. Those dreams could just be hope but not a goal.  I think I'm a dreamer of the second sort, or I was. But I changed or I'm on my way to do so.  I intend to act like my mother told me to.  "Just dream of something you also can reach for. Dreaming of something with no possibility to become real is unnecessary," she said.   So my conclusion is that you have to learn to control your

/31.01.17/ "I don't know you and you don't know me.  But I want to know you.  Do you also want to know me?  Me, not my characteristics or behavior. I'm asking you if you want to know my inner Me,  my inner self, my thoughts and carings, my reasons for my feelings, and my feelings without any reasons.  Do you want to know my inner self which cannot be influenced by external influences?  You're the one I want to share everything with. I want to share everything precious in my life with you.  I want to talk to you, to explain myself and also not explain myself.  I want you to know everything about me without me needing to say a word.  Will you one day just understand what's written in my eyes?  Will you know the truth when I'll say that I never cared for you and never even thought of you?   Will you see the truth which is written under the unspoken words?  Will you see it as the only one who is able to see it?"

I have to be like the way I am towards you.  I cannot laugh or smile at you.  I cannot show my happiness to you.  I am not allowed to do so.  I am not allowed to make you feel like the reason for my happiness or my sadness.  I cannot say anything to you. But you, you are already my whole life.  I know, you are not here, you are not a part of anything in my life here.  But you're the one my heart beats for and my mind keeps thinking of.  Even when I don't want to.                               I h ave to be cold.                                                       I have to be a stranger to you.                                      But believe me,  you're there       in all of my prayers,  in all of my Duâs. You're there in every one of my tears.              But you're also the reason for me finding back to my Lord.  I know that you are a test for me, a test I have to solve right in this Dunya.  I don't have any other choice t