Sara's Dreamworld

 a heart that feels nothing but joy.  a heart that is full of inner peace.   joy caused by the announcement of the season of spring. i'm rarely aware of what is to come i just want my heart to feel nothing but peace but i have to admit that its far from being real

"trust me", he said "why", she asked "because it's me.. don't you see.." "I don't know you" "your heart knows me"  "but I don't remember anything" "I know.." "you know..?" "yes, I know.. you may not be able to recall a memory of me but your heart does.. you just have to learn to trust me" "how do I learn to trust you?" "put your hand on my heart.. don't be afraid.." "It' so warm" "so is your hand" "It is?" "yes, it is" "My hands are usually cold.. How come they got warm by now" "your hands were never cold when being with me" "When being with you.." "What are you thinking..?" "there's this feeling I can't describe.. I've never felt this before but it's kinda familiar.." 

Let me reassign For the truth henceforth I'm not your sunshine Nor am I your daylight I'm the darkest cloud on earth Waiting to disappear When the first rain does appear .... I want to disappear in beautiful rain that grows flowers and love for the living

You know I'm the type of person who only loves stories with happy endings.  As soon as the ending is happy it will be fine I use to think.  But somehow I got really sad after I finally finished the novel "Always".  The reason may be the story full of hardships and heartbreaks.  But the ending is so much like me.. Like my prefers..  Why would I get sad?  I'm questioning myself.  And I've got my answer.  It's the very point that I don't like endings.  Whether it's happy or not. A story shouldn't end.  New stories should begin. Always.  But one shouldn't end.  I don't like endings.  It's like everything's over.  And that's not happy.  That's also why I love spring more than the other seasons.  Spring is a new beginning.  And it always was a new beginning for me, my mind, and my heart. Maybe that's why I also never get to finish something I set my mind to but instead begin new things each day.  Dream about new goals and don&

shall I dare open up my heart? will I not be disappointed? am I not having childish dreams? childish dreams of never being sad or getting hurt.. am I not still a child not knowing how to deal with a broken heart or how to defend herself? am I not the very me that I could not be more of? am I not the girl with ongoing changes in her mood and feelings but with the same unchanging fears and personality? shall I dare talk about my feelings? 

Even the thought of me having a soulmate is dreamlike..  An incredible dream..  Well is, there someone like a soulmate?  Just the thought for him to exist somewhere in this world is heart warming..  Will I ever meet him? My soulmate?  If I have one..  How beautiful it must be to have someone whose soul is familiar to yours..  To have someone who thinks and feels the same way as you..  How amazing it must feel..  Will I ever meet you?  Are you there?  Can you find me?  Even if I'm hiding from the world?  What's meant to be will be, right?  But do I still have to search for you?   What if I miss you out of the crowd..  What if I won't recognize you?  Would you be mad?  Would I be broken?  If this is gonna happen then I hope for you that you don't exist..  Because I couldn't endure not meeting you.. Stay well, my goodnight dream

you only see the words of her cold pen but you don't and won't ever see her tears while writing those words the tears she never failed to hide and yet again those tears that were the only thing that warmed her heart  her tears causing icy words to be written for eternity

  You may never know, that...  your stories are painting beautiful scenery which I enjoy from the windowsill of my soul. Each of your words plants a pure seed in my heart to blossom in spring. If you just could observe yourself from my eyes, then you would know how delightful I get when listening to you. 

 A heart, so pure  filled with love, so true  a crystal, you are  reflecting beautiful light  a cure, you are for those who are blind concealed in a cave of ice  hidden from the world and still  sparkling your way out and shining  from the deep corners of your crystallized heart  ~ Sara

I'm not the person I want to be.  I want to be a beautiful human, someone whose presence means peace, warmth, and harmony.  Instead, I'm only harming those I'd never want to.  I'm hurting myself and those around me. Life circles up every time.  As soon as I start to get a better person, everything turns to its usual self.  I'm exhausted from all these changes.  I started to appreciate my changing nature and positive sides but I still cannot manage the negative ones.  I'm of no use.  Yet the only thing I wanted is to be of use, to be of help.  But I'm the one who needs help, the one who cannot do anything right.  Being understood without me needing to explain is what I'm longing for. Every time I try to talk and explain why I am the way I am it only gets harder.  I'm different. I always tried to be normal but I usually failed to be so.  At the end of the day, I'm left there with thoughts and no answers.  I'm weak. I may not show it but I&#

I will be able to open up my heart one day one day the little girl inside of me will be happy again she will feel the warmth of the love I am soon to accept the love I am not introduced to yet one day my heart will rest that day will come at its best i wish for it. so deeply.