A Source Of Happiness..

I'm not the person I want to be.

I want to be a beautiful human, someone whose presence means peace, warmth, and harmony.

Instead, I'm only harming those I'd never want to.

I'm hurting myself and those around me. Life circles up every time.

As soon as I start to get a better person, everything turns to its usual self.

I'm exhausted from all these changes.

I started to appreciate my changing nature and positive sides but I still cannot manage the negative ones.

I'm of no use.

Yet the only thing I wanted is to be of use, to be of help.

But I'm the one who needs help, the one who cannot do anything right.

Being understood without me needing to explain is what I'm longing for.

Every time I try to talk and explain why I am the way I am it only gets harder.

I'm different. I always tried to be normal but I usually failed to be so.

At the end of the day, I'm left there with thoughts and no answers.

I'm weak. I may not show it but I'm much weaker than I seem to be.

I thought that by making others happy I could get happier and maybe even stronger.

I may not be of use but I always thought that I could be a source of happiness..

I thought..

Who did I ever make happy?

Everything's breaking into pieces.

19/12/2019

Comments

A Soulmate

Even the thought of me having a soulmate is dreamlike.. An incredible dream.. Well is, there someone like a soulmate? Just the thought for him to exist somewhere in this world is heart warming.. Will I ever meet him? My soulmate? If I have one.. How beautiful it must be to have someone whose soul is familiar to yours.. To have someone who thinks and feels the same way as you.. How amazing it must feel.. Will I ever meet you? Are you there? Can you find me? Even if I'm hiding from the world? What's meant to be will be, right? But do I still have to search for you? What if I miss you out of the crowd.. What if I won't recognize you? Would you be mad? Would I be broken? If this is gonna happen then I hope for you that you don't exist.. Because I couldn't endure not meeting you.. Stay well, my goodnight dream

An Eternal Beginning

You know I'm the type of person who only loves stories with happy endings. As soon as the ending is happy it will be fine I use to think. But somehow I got really sad after I finally finished the novel "Always". The reason may be the story full of hardships and heartbreaks. But the ending is so much like me.. Like my prefers.. Why would I get sad? I'm questioning myself. And I've got my answer. It's the very point that I don't like endings. Whether it's happy or not. A story shouldn't end. New stories should begin. Always. But one shouldn't end. I don't like endings. It's like everything's over. And that's not happy. That's also why I love spring more than the other seasons. Spring is a new beginning. And it always was a new beginning for me, my mind, and my heart. Maybe that's why I also never get to finish something I set my mind to but instead begin new things each day. Dream about new goals and don&

Protect My Soul

Yâ Rabbi, I'm scared. I'm scared of my own heart. I don't want to think about anyone. I just have found you. Again. But this time I won't let go of you. Don't let me go either. I just have freed my heart and opened the doors so that I could breathe again. Yâ Allâh, you're the only one whom my heart belongs to. You created me and the whole universum. All lives belong to you and so do each heart too. I know that you can lead each heart. Don't let bad thoughts find me. I don't want to get into depression because of some mortal feelings anymore. I know that this dunya is a test for us. I want to graduate with ease from it. I don't want my heart to cry anymore. I know that your mercy is the only thing I need. Yâ Allâh, protect my heart for i only trust the everlasting you whom my whole life belongs to. ~03.05.2017 I just found this old writing in my notes which i wanted to share.~

Sara's Dreamworld

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